Hamlet’s question
The initial energy and positive thinking I brought with me to Singapore two months ago has whittled. Life, measured hour after hour, is barely manageable. To eat, or not eat; sleep or not sleep. At least Hamlet sought an answer. Mine - to his august question - makes no difference to me.
To say that I have hit rock bottom is not true. I have not, and I cannot imagine returning to that dark time. Instead, I am suspended at its margins. I walk above the reassuring pull of earth’s gravity. I lie under a sky from which no stars bewitch the imagination. There is a sense of disconnect between my tangible self, and the self that wanders like a shadow. This morning, I looked into the mirror and smiled, and I did not recognize myself.
I have spent months striving. If I cannot be happy, then at least, let me be calm.
February 27th, 2008 at 7:52 pm
I don’t have words. I lost my husband on February 1st. One day at a time, I guess.
February 27th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
I am hugging you right now Yen!!! (I’m emailing you)
Much, much love,
Carlos
February 27th, 2008 at 11:49 pm
Hi, I ran on your blog quite by accident but just wanted to let you know how beautifully written it is. I am so sorry for your loss.
February 28th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Not a day passes that I do not think of you… checking on you through this beautifully written blog. It is so gut-wrenching at times and I wish so hard for comforting words to send you and yet I seem to always come up empty. Just know that I know how much you are hurting. At the same time, if I “listen” carefully to your words, I hear your effort to find peace and make some sense out of your loss. I knew you were an incredible man the first time I met you. No one should go through what you are experiencing. Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers each and every day.
Hoping that the stars will show themselves to you very soon! Be well, my friend!
Love, Libby
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:48 pm
I always read, rarely comment anymore. I have no words of comfort, only words of friendship and love.
In your missing and loving him as you do, he lives on; you will see him again. A love so strong and sure will live on forever.
Love,
Laurie
March 7th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Like Laurie, I always read, and say little. This time I feel your disconnect … and it is a painful space … You have been changed enormously since meeting him, and his Love and Energy are now an inseparable part of you. Move on gently, if not for your own sake, then for that part of him that resides within you.
And open yourself to accepting the Love that pours toward you from all corners of the Globe - and from other realms …
Namaste, dear Yen.
Bodhi
March 19th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
hey, hang in there.. let’s go out when deeps is back =)