I say it out loud
Even though my journey has just begun, I am already terrified at what everything means. I second-guess my emotions often; I feel, and wonder why I feel, wonder if (and when) I will feel differently, and why, and if I want it to be different.
I cling, almost desperately, to details - his smell, the feel of his hair, the way he says certain words, like “It’s so nice,” when the sun is out. I say it out loud: “It’s so nice,” and try to hear his voice instead of my own. “It’s so nice,” I say. “It’s so nice.” I cry, but I am comforted. I am both sad, and happy. I am proud to grieve for my husband.
I don’t want to be “normal.” What does “moving on” mean? I am fine as I am. These tears, these moments of grieving keep me anchored to my love. Eventually, life will go on. I cannot stop time. Nature will do its work, but this, this remembering, I have control over.
June 7th, 2007 at 5:03 am
Through your words, I feel your immense pain and sadness in every fibre of my body.
I wish I could say something to make it all ok but I know that that would be fruitless. But I wish to tell you that there are, many of us out here, who are reading your story, sharing your pain and wishing the very best for you.
Please take care and be strong. We will all be looking forward to the day that you can feel whole again.
June 7th, 2007 at 9:59 am
It’s okay to grieve…
(love)
June 8th, 2007 at 12:12 am
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Laurie