“I love you.”
Rusty died this morning at 1.30am at the Beth Israel Medical Center in New York.
He was with me, and his mother, and died peacefully in his sleep.
Rusty has been battling melanoma for the last three years. He was a real fighter. Even at the end, he didn’t want to go home, and instead asked the doctors if he could stay a few more days to get well.
Love kept Rusty going for as long as it could. In these short years, we made the best of it. The more virulent the cancer spread, the stronger we loved.
His last words were: “I love you,” and he blew me two kisses before falling asleep.
Our love was extraodinary in the face of adversity. He is my hero, and will always be loved.
Two funerals are being planned. The first, a graveside service, will be held in Lovettsville, Va, next Thursday, where he was born.
The second, a memorial service in New York, will be held shortly after.
Details of services to come.
May 5th, 2007 at 3:39 am
I am so sorry for your loss.
No doubt that in the next few weeks and months nothing anyone says or does will truly give you comfort. We can only tell you that we care and that will be here for you.
Jesse will always live on in all our hearts.
May 5th, 2007 at 5:10 am
Your love - and both of you - were truly extraordinary. I’m so sorry. Love and thoughts constantly with you.
May 5th, 2007 at 7:33 am
Dear Yen,
Thank you so much for posting a link to this beautiful site for us on the MPIP. I am deeply saddened that Jesse’s valiant battle with melanoma has ended and my heart is with you. Love, Carver
May 5th, 2007 at 7:38 am
Your strength and your journey has been extraodinary. I’m sure that he has lived his moments to the fullest with your love and support. I am truly sorry for your loss. Take care and may hope guide you and your grief strengthen you. x
May 5th, 2007 at 8:52 am
And now his extraordinary journey here has come to an end. I wish that I could be there with you - but know that I am there in spirit. My thoughts/prayers are with you -
(HUGE grieving bear hug)….b
May 5th, 2007 at 9:37 am
Dear Yen,
I am so very sorry. We lost our son, Jarrett, to melanoma on Febraury 22, 2006. He had just turned seventeen.
Please know that I will be thinking of you as you travel through these difficult days.
From on grieving family to another, you have our heartfelt sympathy,
Michelle Wansley Boston
Jarrett’s life and fight
caringbridge.org visit: jarrettboston
May 5th, 2007 at 9:52 am
More hugs. And love.
May 5th, 2007 at 10:08 am
I wish you peace in this difficult time, that you can find a space for silence in the midst of everything, that you will uncover solace in unexpected places.
I wish I could have met the two of you together.
Love,
Paul
May 5th, 2007 at 10:23 am
I’m very sorry for your loss. I know there’s nothing much that I - or anyone else, for that matter - can say. But you’re in our thoughts and prayers.
May 5th, 2007 at 10:23 am
oh god. I’m so sorry. But I am glad it was a peaceful moment filled with love. We’ll be in touch soon.
May 5th, 2007 at 1:05 pm
This is for J, supposing there’s web access where you are now:
Hey J. I’m so proud of you for being a really great guy and for
showing me what it is to love life so much. It’s wonderful that you and Yen have had each other in your lives. Thank you for being part of mine. May it be blue skies ahead for you, my friend. - Sze
May 5th, 2007 at 1:06 pm
I guess nothing that I say now can really help alleviate your pain and loss. Everyone heals at their own pace and I believe you will do so in your own time. Take care and find your way again mate. Hugs.
May 5th, 2007 at 1:24 pm
take good care.
May 5th, 2007 at 2:13 pm
Dear Yen,
I’m so sorry to hear about Jesse. Though i only met him once, i admire his determination to battle the cancer and am moved by your devotion to each other. May your memories of the times you spent together be of comfort and help you heal. Take care..
May 5th, 2007 at 3:36 pm
I’m so sorry, Yen. I can only imagine how hard this all is for you. If there is anything I can do, please let me know. You are in my thoughts and prayers and you are loved more than you will ever know.
May 5th, 2007 at 5:03 pm
Yen — I know I haven’t been very communicative lately, but I have been paying attention and keeping up with what’s been happening. I got your email this morning. Please know that my thoughts are with you as you carry on his memory. *hugs*
May 5th, 2007 at 5:45 pm
I can not think of a more enduring tribute to your love for Jesse than this remarkable blog. I just found it through Laurie.
Your own words are the perhaps the most appropriate. I echo them for you - for your comfort:
“But I don’t see my decision as a powerless one. On the contrary, moving in and getting involved was the second most powerful decision I could have made about my life. The most powerful was my decision to see this through with Jesse, after his diagnosis. When it comes to love, change can be difficult, but it ought to be the most natural thing to do.”
Your writing is luminous.
May 5th, 2007 at 8:13 pm
I’m sorry for your loss. “Jesse” was a good guy. Brought laughter to everyone. me included
wherever he is, im sure he’s smiling down at us… let me wish u peace at this very difficult time Yen. C u later “Jesse”.
May 5th, 2007 at 8:39 pm
There are no words. How I wish I could have met Jesse in person. Reading your blog has changed me. Made me feel more.
Love and support all the way from Malaysia.
May 6th, 2007 at 12:03 am
so sorry to hear about your loss, yen. my thoughts are with you. -ys
May 6th, 2007 at 1:57 am
No words can describe the loss I feel for losing such a nice friend as Rusty (Jesse). After reading your weblog I am happy knowing that you were with Rusty when he moved forward, to have someone like you who has been such a positive and bright light in Rusty’s life has touched me beyond explanation. You have given Rusty your love, compassion but also your presence in being a witness in Rusty’s fight to survive. It has been the most beautiful expression of love you two have shared with the rest of us. May it be a light for the rest of us.
May 6th, 2007 at 3:04 am
Lots and lots of love, take care of yourself. I’m so sorry Yen.
May 6th, 2007 at 3:45 am
Yours is a beautiful love. However short the time you had with each other, you made every moment count. And I’m sure that Jesse found comfort and fulfillment in that. I’m truly sorry for your loss. But I’m sure that Jesse, wherever he is, is watching over you and telling you to be strong. Take care of yourself, ya?
May 6th, 2007 at 5:44 am
Nan ren, take care.
May 6th, 2007 at 6:48 am
hey yen, i’m so sorry. will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
May 6th, 2007 at 7:24 am
Hello, Yen. I stumbled upon your blog about 2 months ago and read all your entries in one day. Your love for Jesse touches me very deeply and I draw the strength I need (to deal with a similar situation) from your blog. YOU are the reason why he refused to succumb. And now, you must continue to live to your fullest, for him. PEACE BE WITH YOU.
May 6th, 2007 at 8:01 am
I am so sorry.
May 6th, 2007 at 8:20 am
He never left, you know.
He’s always there, in your heart.
Take care.
May 6th, 2007 at 9:31 am
I’ve been trying to think of the right thing to say, but I can’t.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this journey.
May 6th, 2007 at 3:09 pm
And now Jesse’s Great Adventure begins!!! His Love for you is now on an Infinite plane - and he will share as much of his journey as you wish to experience …
Yes, we grieve, but not so much as to hold him back …
Godspeed, Jesse, & you too Yen … just always remember, Love Conquers All!!!
Love, Love, Love
Bodhi
Toronto, Canada
May 6th, 2007 at 6:37 pm
I am so sorry to hear that about your loss. I will keep you in my prayers.
May 6th, 2007 at 8:34 pm
Yen,
My sincere condolences….. I am sure Jesse will want you to stay strong…
(keeping you in my prayers)
May 6th, 2007 at 9:37 pm
I’m so sorry for your loss.
My deepest sympathies to you, and to Jesse’s family.
Take care
May 7th, 2007 at 4:08 am
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It was so lovely to meet you and I only wish that I had the privledge of meeting Rusty in person as well. Thankyou for sharing your journal. You are a beautiful writer. My thoughts and prayers are with you through this difficult time. All the way from Singapore. Take care.
May 7th, 2007 at 10:27 am
Yen, I don’t have the words to convey my sadness at your loss, or my relief that someone as wonderful as Jesse is no longer in pain.
I’ll see you at the service, my friend.
May 7th, 2007 at 1:41 pm
(love)
May 7th, 2007 at 8:01 pm
I am so deeply saddened by the loss you and Jesse have sustained.
I will continue to carry the both of you on my heart, especially during the time of grieving and mourning.
I’m also deeply thankful and grateful that you’ve allowed me to witness your love and your struggle, and thereby participate in it with you, to some degree. There is an imprint in my heart named yen and Jesse, and it continually grows larger and deeper.
peace to you, and love.
May 7th, 2007 at 8:38 pm
Yen,
Thank you for caring for Jesse so beautifully and sharing so much of yourself with all of us who live far away. I think and cry for you and Jesse and his mom often these days and hope you will find comfort in small moments as you grieve.
Beth (Janet’s sister, Jesse’s cousin)
May 7th, 2007 at 8:56 pm
I’m so sorry, Yen
(tenderhugs)
May 8th, 2007 at 2:09 am
So sorry to hear that…
Hugs and love.
May 8th, 2007 at 12:14 pm
Holding hands..
I was looking to the sky
searching for stars
yesterday afternoon
we were holding hands.
no stars saw I
though I know they were there, hidden,
concealed in the day
their light beneath the sun’s -
its shine suppressed the glimmers.
later I was looking to you
squinting and bending my neck
no people saw I
though I know they were there, hidden,
dim in the background
their faces beneath your’s -
your glow surpassed the crowd
we were holding hands.
I wish you keep good memories with jesse… He will be alive in your and our hearts always…
May 9th, 2007 at 11:26 am
zengyan, please take care.
May 10th, 2007 at 12:20 am
This is late. Hope you are fine. Take care.
May 23rd, 2007 at 2:21 am
I just saw this today. I’m so sorry for your loss. The love and commitment you and Jesse shared was something I had marvelled at, grown to admire and hoped to emulate. It was extraordinary and moving.
I hope you’re okay. Take care, god bless. Keep in touch, dear. -hugs-
January 11th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Yen
I came to know your blog only today, and came to read about this entry only now.
I am so ‘angry’ with myself for not making the 2nd phone call, when the first call did get through.
I miss talking to my very dear friend Rusty for the last time, I can not forgive myself.
I am speechless now, but I am so grateful to you for taking care of my friend when he was ill. Thank you Yen… I will always be here for you.