Light from a window
Small boy in the woods, by bies
Dreams
I woke last night after a dream that Rusty cheated on me. I broke up with him. It was 4am. I walked out to the living room, where he lay sleeping on the couch. His skin was damp, glistening by the window. He had a fever again in the night.
I remember the dream vividly. We sat down one morning to breakfast and I asked him: Are you cheating? He said yes, with Sy. I haven’t seen, nor heard from Sy in over 10 years. When I think of him, I still see a 15-year-old pimply trumpeter. Oddly, I wonder first if he is still alive.
When I wake up again, it is 7am. Rusty is already up and about. I kiss him good morning. I didn’t sleep much last night, he says. I make toast, coffee and pour out some grape juice we bought from a farmers’ market yesterday. I will need to get some berries for tomorrow. We’re out of soy milk also.
December 19th, 2006 at 10:32 pm
I actually have dreams about my boyfriend cheating on me on a very regular basis. Being cheated on is seriously my greatest fear, that after I’ve trusted him and given him all the devotion I’ve got, he’ll in turn show me how much he doesn’t care. In the dreams I usually catch him in the act, and either he laughs at me and goes back to the other girl, or he simply doesn’t understand at all why I’m upset. In some of the dreams he cheats on me with celebrities! In the ending I’m always running off into the night while sobbing, and he never follows me. The thing is, I have a really good boyfriend who I know (in the logical side of my brain) would never cheat on me. But the crazy paranoid side of me that always worries I’m not good enough for him, is the side that comes to life in those dreams. The weirdest times are when I have one of the dreams and then I wake up to see him sleeping nicely by my side.
Anyway. Enough bizarro therapist-venting for now…
December 20th, 2006 at 10:02 am
I know exactly what you mean. In my circumstance, it’s hard to imagine Jesse would be able to cheat on me, even physically/biologically. So for me I’m not sure it’s about cheating per se. [cue couch psycho-analysis] What I think its going on is that I’m so scared that the cancer will take him that on some level I make believe that he’s really leaving me for another person. Between being dumped and the alternative, maybe psychologically the former is easier for me to reconcile.
December 20th, 2006 at 9:11 pm
It’s interesting what dreams throw our way. Makes you wonder if Sy is also thinking of you.
December 21st, 2006 at 5:37 pm
Sometimes dreams can tell the future. It is a premonition….an omen. Leave asap! You will be burned!