In sickness and in health
This post from Brechi expressed his opinion about a man who relocated to be with his lover. He said: “I have learned from experience that to completely alter your life to fit someone else’s needs is the most powerless decision you can make.”
In response, Chris said he had plenty of his own good reasons to move. Besides, “relationships are about making compromises, not sacrifices.”
Love is full of such decisions made on a daily basis. It’s a question of scale. Is two types of milk (2% and lowfat) really necessary? Do we eat where he wants to eat? Should I move to Timbuktu?
Granted uprooting is a herculean task for anyone, physically (But this kitchen sink was custom-designed!) and emotionally (But this kitchen sink was custom-designed!), it marks an important signal in the development of any relationship. It’s a test. It’s a more difficult test if you have to move to a different country, but a test nonetheless. As far as in sickness and in health goes, this is pretty vanilla.
I should know. To take care of Rusty, I went from a full-time student to a part-time student. In New York, I schlepped my stuff from the UWS to Chelsea. Between commuting to Philadelphia for chemo at least once a week, sleeping in hospital cots, and keeping track of his medication, I was too busy and tired at the same time to stay in touch with friends. My life, as Brechi said, was altered, to say the least.
But I don’t see my decision as a powerless one. On the contrary, moving in and getting involved was the second most powerful decision I could have made about my life. The most powerful was my decision to see this through with Rusty, after his diagnosis. When it comes to love, change can be difficult, but it ought to be the most natural thing to do.